40 Ridiculous Headlines That Should’ve Gotten People Fired

Being a journalist is tough, but running a newspaper or news site is even tougher. So, sometimes, even editors miss a few things while struggling to meet a deadline. When that happens, some of the most absurd newspaper headlines are born, but these oversights are just too much for us to handle.  

Man Found Dead in Graveyard

You’re probably slapping your forehead because there are tons of dead people in a graveyard. But usually the bodies are placed in a grave, not left topside somewhere in the graveyard. So, some lazy digger probably never bothered to dig a hole six-foot deep to bury the body.  

Pot Issue Sent to Joint Committee

Well, if the marijuana issue was sent to a joint committee like the headline reads, then the case will probably be resolved in favor of all those who use it. Actually, this headline’s a bit witty. We’re just not sure if they did it on purpose!

Prison Time Added to 2,000-Year-Sentence

Admittedly, whoever wrote this article wasted their time because no one cares that a prisoner with a 2,000-year-sentence is getting more time. For that matter, it sounds like the court wasted their time, too, unless the prisoner is immortal. We get it, they’re never getting out of jail!  

Grapefruit Not Good for Every Headline

We get what they did here when they replaced the letter “G” with a slice of grapefruit. But without the actual letter, it reads as something that will make you go “oof!” They should have really carved that slice a bit more, don’t you agree?

Students Cannibalize Grandparents

The problem with short headlines is that they don’t always leave room to clarify everything. So, this headline suggested that students cannibalized their grandparents. But how did they taste? Probably chewy like a beef jerky.  

Rooms With No A/C Are So Hot

Generally, rooms tend to get hot when the air conditioner is broken and it’s the middle of summer. Maybe they should add an addendum to the story talking about how a room with no heater stays cool in the winter.

Earthquake Damage is Caused by Shaking

Not only is the headline ridiculous, but so is the explanation under it. It’s obvious that earthquake damage to buildings and roadways are caused by all the incessant shaking. And for what it’s worth, shaking a baby does some damage, too.  

Literacy Program Needs Improvement

The word “Mississippi” was misspelled on the headline, which is pretty funny considering it’s about the improvement of a literacy program. Clearly, there is a lot of room for improvement with these guys. Then again, pobody’s nerfect, right?

Development Authority Plans to Plan

The Economic Development Authority sure is wasting a lot of money planning to plan a plan, according to his headline. They probably hired a planner to “plan the plan,” because obviously, a strategic plan isn’t much of a plan unless it’s comprehensive. Yeah, if we read the word “plan” one more time we’re going to pass out too!  

Lost Woman Goes Missing

This headline probably had locals saying, “thanks for stating the obvious.” So, the big mystery here is, did she go missing first and then got lost, or is it the other way around? Then again, they wouldn’t even know she got lost unless the person writing the article was the kidnapper.

Cops Unsure if Robber Was a Woman

This headline talks about Palo Alto police being baffled by the gender of a bank robber, but they believe the clues might lie in the suspect’s upper body curves. The headline pretty much solves that mystery. Duh!  

Girls’ Schools Offering Something Special

Well this headline is a bit hard to swallow. Is this how they pay those overly priced private school tuitions? If this is what they’re offering at all girls’ schools, we’d hate to read about what they’re offering at all boys’ schools.

Bridges Help People Cross Rivers

It’s nice of this newspaper to give readers the lowdown on why bridges are important. It’s so much easier to cross rivers with a bridge because stilts only work when you’re crossing through shallow water. If this isn’t the understatement of the year, we don’t know what is!  

Singers Gift the Deaf With Music

Trying to bring joy through music to a school full of deaf people is like trying to inject medicine into a dead body. That is, unless they rely solely on vibrations and other techniques. What did these singing barbers teach the students, anyway? Silent disco? Maybe the only people who could stand their singing are the people who couldn’t hear them.

The Dead Rarely Talk, or Do They?

In the real world, the dead don’t walk, and they certainly don’t talk. But if you believe this headline which states that homicide victims rarely talk to police, then cops must use a Ouija board instead of good old fashioned evidence to help solve their cases.  

Tigers Woods Plays With His Balls

Nike claims that Tiger Woods plays with his own balls. If that were the case, there wouldn’t have been an infidelity scandal involving his then-wife Elin Nordegren. Plus,  he could have saved himself a lot of trouble. Then again, how else are you supposed to pass the time while the other golfers play?

One-Armed Man Applauds

There were probably a few readers who were confused by this headline. A one-armed man who applauds at the kindness of strangers? Really? Maybe he slapped his leg or facepalmed to get the same results. But somehow, we can’t picture this man clapping. We don’t know why that is!  

Deer Population Decline After Hunt

Well, here’s a shocker that will have you screaming, “Oh, deer!” According to the headline, a survey found that the deer population is declining because of hunters. They weren’t really expecting the deer to respawn like characters in a video game, did they?

This Reporter Wrote Gibberish

Scott McDermott, the guy who wrote this article is exhibiting some serious warning signs. The words “under-pressure” are all in caps. Then there’s a photo of someone crying, and his headline is literally gibberish. He’s either having a tough day, or he’s totally disgruntled and about to go postal!  

Yellow Object in Sky

A yellow object in the sky? Well, what could it be? Oh, that’s right. It’s called the sun. In fairness, the Metro Herald is an Irish newspaper, and few people there get to see the sun because of the cloudy weather. So we kind of understand what they’re getting at!

Bugs With Wings Are Flying Bugs

In case you ever found yourself questioning it, a bug that has legs and feet and crawls on the floor is a crawling bug. And a bug with wings is a flying bug just like this headline suggests. You’re welcome. Why didn’t they teach this at school? We’ll probably never find out!  

World Bank Says Poor People Need More Money

Obviously, the World Bank is run by people who are good with numbers and not words. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have made such a redundant statement that makes you roll your eyes so hard, you get an instant headache. It’s like saying thirsty people need water. No kidding, Sherlock!

Meteorite May Be From Space

The headline claims a meteor that crashed in Greenland came from space. Yeah, no kidding! Meteorites are interstellar, not a terrestrial phenomenon. But maybe a neighboring village has gone all medieval and is using a catapult to throw a large rock at someone.  

They Didn’t Remove the Holding Text

Some newspapers publish absurd headlines, but others don’t even bother to proofread at all. In this instance, they forgot to remove the holding text. They should use X’s next time so it catches their attention when they give it a final look.

Miracle Cure Fails Again

It doesn’t sound much like a ‘Miracle Cure’ given that the fifth volunteer to try an experimental drug passed away. In retrospect, it did cure them from any suffering and pain, right? Unfortunately, the side effects are extremely lethal and oh-so permanent.  

Obama’s Package Turns Republicans Off

Well, this would certainly explain what’s been happening over the last three years or why Trump’s not a major fan of Obama. Maybe there’s a bit of manhood envy going on in the capital. But which Republicans were peeking?

Scientists Are Ducks’ Worst Nightmare

Here’s a plausible scientific theory to the mystery behind this silly headline. Perhaps the reason all these ducks are dying is because the scientists are the ones killing them. Then again, we’re not the ones with the Ph.D. What do we know?  

Gay Boy Scouts Go Through the Back Door

The main headline is awesome because it shows how society is finally making progress towards members of the LGBT community. But whoever added that second headline at the bottom that says “in through the back door” should have their head examined. We kind of wonder if anyone got fired because of this.

Woman in Sumo Wrestler Suit Attacks Ex

There’s a lot going on here and the headline leaves very little to the imagination. It sounds utterly absurd. It also gives so much away that no one would ever want to read the article. We wonder if there’s anything left to say.  

Naughty Babies Behind Population Increase

Oh sure, when all else fails, blame the babies. It’s not like they’re mature enough to defend themselves, right? No one ever considered blaming the parents for the expected population increase by 2040.

Man Arrested for Everything

If you’ve had something bad happen to you, then this headline will make you happy. Also, don’t worry because the bad man responsible has been arrested for everything. But he’s not being charged for the population doubling in 2040. Babies are still guilty of that.  

Homeless Survive Winter

This headline is downright mean. Not only does it mention that the Nomadic Shelter program closed down, but it reads like it’s saying, “Darn, the homeless survived in spite of winter. What else can we do to deal with the situation?”

Nuclear Explosion Would Be Disastrous

Quick! Everyone put their bomb back in their garage or dispose of it somewhere safe. Some genius named Lucy Parkinson just reported that a nuclear explosion would be a disaster. Obviously, the incidents in Hiroshima and Nagasaki weren’t convincing enough.  

Man Ends His Life and Runs Away

It figures that the Daily Sun would report something like this. Unless this guy’s first name is Jesus, there’s no way that he could have lost his life, miraculously resurrected and then ran away before anyone could  take a selfie. Or could he? Dang, now we want to know more!

Diana Was Alive Before She Passed Away

This satire newspaper stated the painfully obvious about the late Princess Diana. It’s obvious that Lady Di was alive and kicking hours before the lethal accident that led to her untimely demise. It must have been a slow day news day, we get it guys!  

Gun Shop Raid Uncovers Weapons

Federal agents must have been blown away when they raided a gun shop and found weapons there. Weapons in a gun shop? What’s next? Food in a supermarket? They were probably expecting to find bunnies at the gun shop.

China May Be Using Sea to Hide Submarines

China may be using the sea to hide its submarines? Where else are they going to hide it? In some barn in the middle of nowhere? Maybe they’re hiding it in space or in the sky above some cloud. Newspapers are really good at starting drama, that’s for sure!  

Teen Pregnancy Decreases After 25

This headline talks about how teen pregnancy drops drastically after 25. But maybe they should have written that it drops after 20, since that’s when a young woman’s teen years are over and she becomes a young adult. Can you really call a 25-year-old a teen? Didn’t think so!

Oxygen Is Key to Living

If you’re breathing then you’re doing something right. According to this headline, breathing oxygen is connected to staying alive. But are they sure? Maybe they should perform more studies on their theory. Maybe breathing carbon dioxide isn’t toxic at all.  

The Majority of Americans Hate Math

It’s a good thing this reporter didn’t become an engineer or a mathematician. But you don’t need to be a genius to know that 4 out of 10 Americans is not the majority. Hopefully, taxpayer money wasn’t used in this research.

Written by Camila Villafane

Serial tea drinker. Professional wig snatcher. Content creator and video script writer who may or may not be John Leguizamo’s body double. If you don’t like where you are, move. You’re not a tree.